You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
