first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize