Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
