i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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