Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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