I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
operation harelip BJ is a go
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
