Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize