sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
