I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
