He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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