Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
