I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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