Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
