wakey wakey hands off snakey
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
