I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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