I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
