What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
