I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
