Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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