drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize