The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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