Cold hands, warm shart.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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