While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
