I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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