Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I deserve this hangover.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize