The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
