she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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