This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He? As in you personified your dick?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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