This dress was meant to end up on your floor
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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