so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
