You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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