Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
