Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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