Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
When are your genitals available?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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