It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize