i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
jump out the window naked night went bad
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