If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize