I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize