I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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