allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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