Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
