you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
