Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
