If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
