I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
