He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
