so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
