He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
