accomplished twins. life is a go
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
