The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
