1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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