So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
