I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
