Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
