i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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