You're earring is so big in my mouth
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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