i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
