Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
