it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
