yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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