i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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