Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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