youre lurking in front of me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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