dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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