If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
