Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
pop tarts are not kleenex
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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