I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
